Dear Month of August,

No one likes you except extreme Elvis fans. So go away and let September come back. We all like football and pumpkin carving and wearing hoodies better than we like you. Yet somehow, no matter how often you come (once a year), we southerners still get completely surprised at your searing vicious temperatures.

However, I will give you this: I love me a good bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.